The humble convert and the self righteous elders

One day Pastor was performing the traditional Sunday morning prayer during his church meeting. A new convert was among the church listening to the prayer. The man was seized with such joy he interrupted the pastors prayer to shout. But being a new convert the man was not familiar with the language that the tradition of the people required him to use. So the Man uttered a word that is used by the people of his culture to express joy and excitement.

"F@#%ing   A!"

The Pastor paused for an uncomfortable minute and then finished his prayer. The elders of the church immediately began to chide the man for speaking "You interrupted the sacred prayer on the holy morning, and whats worse you used foul and improper language."

From his pulpit the pastor joined in, "Young man that is not acceptable language to address the Lord of all creation. We have sacred ways handed down to us by our forefathers from their forefathers that tell us exactly what and how a man may address the divine."

The man sat trembling with fear and embarrassment. Then when he could take it no longer God sent an angel among them.

"Fear F@#%ing not" began the angel "The Lord your God wishes that his people stop chastising this simple man, his sincere curse moved us more than the many pious wordy prayers you have memorized and continue to utter over and over all the years you have been meeting together."


*** I wrote this parable under the influence of the story found in Luke 18. Here Jesus points out that God prefers a humble sinner to a self righteous Pharisee.

And Mark 7 where Jesus quotes Isaiah and says "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far away. Their worship is a farce, for they replace God's commands with their own man-made teachings.' For you ignore God's specific laws and substitute your own traditions."

And "Fear not" is something angels tend to say when they first come on the scene.

The American Beatitudes

The American Beatitudes
Now when he saw the television cameras, he sat down and began to teach them saying:
Blessed are those who believe the right things, for theirs will be the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who are healthy, for they will live long.
Blessed are the proud, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for money, for they will drive the markets.
Blessed are the unforgiving, for they will get even.
Blessed are the sly and sneaky, for they will get ahead.
Blessed are the war-hawks, for they will be called patriots.
Blessed are those who rent billboards and make signs to protest immoral people, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people complement you, praise you, and idolize you saying all kinds of great things about you because of the work of your publicist. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward!

***
This parable is an adaptation, some would say a gross distortion, of Jesus beatitudes. I wanted to show the shocking difference between what we say we believe and what we actually do.
If you are unfamiliar with Jesus beatitudes Check this out:
http://www.blueletterbible.org/Bible.cfm?b=Mat&c=5&v=1&t=NIV#top

One chilly fall day in an average town on Sunday

***A Parable
One chilly fall day in an average town on Sunday.

The parking lot of the building where the church met was filling up quickly. Church members were whispering among themselves as they walked into building. For outside leaning up against the outer wall of the building was a man looking as if he were asleep or passed out more likely.

The man had on a old stained coat that was mostly in shreds, his beard was extremely long and dirty, his long unkempt hair stuck out from under his hat. One of his boots had no laces and the other had duct tape wrapped around the toes to hold it together.

Judging by the smell, which was evident even at a distance the good folks could tell the man was homeless and and had probably passed out sometime during the night. This being known since many of the folks had attended the Saturday prayer meeting in which the pastor had led them in praying that God bless them with revival so that they could bring Jesus to their city.

Many of the congregation gathered in the vestibule to fellowship for a few minutes, and someone brought up the man lying outside. People snickered and sneered, some spoke in low voices asking why the police had not been successful in cleaning up the neighborhood.

When all of the people dressed in their Sunday best had gone in and began singing, Jesus got up from the place where he had been laying next to the building and with his with his head down and a tear in his eye went out to find the church.

***
I was under the influence of the following texts when I wrote this parable:

Mat 8 in which Jesus says "The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head."

Mat 25 in which Jesus says "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

And the idea introduced by mother Teresa that the poor and suffering are just "Jesus in his most distressing disguise."

Which one will you feed?

Once not long ago a young girl sat the the feet of her Rabbi and listened to him teach. They were at a zoo and as Rabbis often do he used the imagery all around them to give his lessons.

They were near a cage containing two lions. One of the Lions appeared to be larger and much better cared for. As the zoo attendants came to bring the lions their meal the rabbi called the girl's attention to what was taking place.

Both Lions approached the food at the same time. Then there was a terrible roar from the larger lion followed by swiping of claws and a gnashing of teeth. The smaller weaker lion was knocked away from the food and the larger lion ate her fill.

The student turned to her Rabbi to question him but he silenced her.

"This same struggle goes on in each of us, we want joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, generosity, and faith. Yet we also harbor anger, envy, greed, arrogance, resentment, pride, and ego." he wispered.

The student pondered this then asked "Which lion will win?"

"The one you feed will always be stronger."

"Then if I feed the one there is no hope for the other?"

"Nether will ever kill the other so there is always hope."

The temptation

At this time, Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. The moment he came out of the water, he saw the sky split open and God's Spirit, looking like a dove, come down on him. Along with the Spirit, a voice: "You are my Son, chosen and marked by my love, pride of my life."

At once, this same Spirit tried to push Jesus out into the wild. However Jesus remembered the scripture that said "For the sake of the house of the LORD our God, I will seek your prosperity." and so he knew that only Satan would tempt him into the harsh desert.


Instead he continued on to the temple, where all "anointed" people should go. When he arrived he was welcomed by the scribes and pharisees having just been ritually cleansed. There he spent the remainder of his days studying the scrolls and debating the Sanhedrin on the finer points of theology.

On his death bed he looked around at the wealth he had amassed through the temple tax system and the many scrolls he had written, which had been copied many times and distributed widely. His family and disciples were all around him and he wondered, "what kind of life would I have had if I had gone out into the desert?"

*** This Parable was inspired during a time of reading Mark 1 in which the Spirit Drives Jesus into the desert to be tested. The verb used in the original language is the same kind that would be used to describe a kidnapping or strong armed robbery... Jesus is forced into the desert!

I wanted to play with the idea that we are all offered the choice of what kind of life we will live. We are all offered our "Best Life Now," but perhaps what we consider our best life is less than a shadow fo what God is offering.

This parable also pokes at our interpretations and our taking scripture out of context.

The wise teacher and the foolish student

A young man once decided to approach an old sage to become his pupil. The wise old sage told the young may that to become his student he would need to go on a journey through the wilderness with him. The sage told the young man to go prepare himself for their journey.

The student gathered his pack and all the supplies he thought sensible for a trip through the wilderness. When he arrived for the journey he found the sage waiting patiently with only a walking staff.

Without saying a word the sage set out into the wilderness. The student immediately began questioning the sage. "Where are your supplies?", "Are you sure you want to take this path, the one over there is smoother.", "How long will this take?", "Do you have a map?"

The sage ignored the students questions and only occasionally spoke, often to warn the student of a loose rock on the path or a poisonous plant. After a few hours the student began to think the sage didn't know where they were going, and if he didn't know that then perhaps he wasn't so wise after all. The student realizing he was lost resigned himself to following the sage at a distance. However the student stopped listening to the sage at all, and began choosing his own path.

After several hours they came to a desert. The student stopped and looked around nervously, never having been this far away from home. But the sage continued on so the student moved in the same general direction, After several more hours in the hot sun the student's food and water had run out. The student became impatient with his new teacher and began yelling insults at him.

After several more hours they came upon an oasis. The student cautiously watched the as the teacher approached the water and drank his fill. Once the student could wait no longer he rushed to the pool for a drink. But, not trusting the teacher he waded out into the middle of the small pool to stay at a safe distance. The student soon found that his legs were stuck in the muck of the pool and he was unable to move. Worse still The harder he fought the faster he sank, with each passing minute he grew closer to drowning. He looked around but the only help he could see was the old sage he had so badly abused.

When the foolish student had sunk to his chest and was sure he was going to die, he finally called out to the sage, "Help me I can't save my self."

The wizened sage reached out his walking stick, which was just long enough to reach the student, and and with an unnatural force pulled him to safety.

After he recovered from the near drowning, the student asked "why did you save me?"
"I never wanted you to drown" replied the sage.

While appreciating the sentiment this puzzled the student even further "Why then did you not warn me, or why did you wait so long to save me?"

The Sage smiled "I gave you instructions all along our journey, but you chose your own path, and I honored that choice. Only when you let go of your pride and asked was I able to help you."